How would I describe unseen symptoms to the neurologist…and in a foreign language? Suddenly I felt almost foolish and wondered if I was taking this too far. I wanted to leave all of these troubles behind me and accept the fact I had been overcome with anxiety and suffered from a simple ear infection. I wanted to feel better, but deep inside of me I knew…I knew something was terribly wrong.
Fortunately, my neurologist kept probing and searching for a sign of trouble. I almost giggled as she conducted numerous reflex tests – I never knew I had so many reflex points on my body. I performed all of the coordination tests without any sign of trouble. My hearing was fine…my senses felt hot and cold equally on both sides of my body…there were no signs of trouble as she gazed deep inside my eyes with special glasses. The only issue she could come up with was my eyesight - which was below average and I should go get them checked.
One hour of tests…and nothing. I felt ridiculous again as I sat down to discuss her findings. The doctor felt confident I was suffering from some sort of viral infection, which could be putting stress on my nervous system, but nonetheless, she recommended a more thorough examination to rule out other possible causes. She suggested I undergo an MRI as soon as possible…again, just to be safe.
I agreed, but I felt nervous again. I asked her what she was ruling out, even though I already knew the answer. She wanted to be sure multiple sclerosis was not the cause of my symptoms and having an MRI would provide the clearest answer. An MRI would also reveal any other troubling issues such as tumors.
How would I explain this to Silvia as I emerged from her office? I knew she would instantly worry about the prognosis once I informed her I needed to organize an MRI appointment. It was a hard moment for both of us to face.
The MRI was scheduled for the following day, and almost on cue, a new and troubling symptom surfaced.
I tried to take it easy during the afternoon. I felt very tired from a general lack of sleep during the past couple of weeks, and I could feel the stress pulling inside of me. I researched MRIs as much as I could - just to get a general idea of what to expect and was relieved to discover the process was painless. I tried to close my eyes and fall into a sleep – something I knew I needed…and the sleep came quickly. I drifted away for about one hour and then I felt a tightening around my right leg – sort of like someone tied a belt way too forcefully around my thigh. At the same time, an agonizing pain flew through the inside of my left leg from the hip to the my foot…it was like fire flowing inside of me. I screamed out and suddenly the event was over – twenty seconds of fear and pain left me more exhausted than ever before…and filled me with more anxiety.
The night before my MRI was miserable. The leg pain came another time during the night and I couldn’t sleep. My back, arms and legs felt cold – almost an eerie sort of chill. I had an intense feeling of butterflies flying around inside of me, and my right leg felt about half awake. My thoughts were filled, of course, with only worst-case scenarios as I tried to get through the night. But the only thing that helped was Silvia holding my hand.
We arrived early the next day for my MRI appointment. The nurses suggested I take a sedative beforehand if I suffered from any type of claustrophobia, so I took the small xanax pill and waited.
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