August 10, 2009 – It’s been just six days since my MRI experience and only one weekend has passed since hearing the news from my neurologist. My perception of time has clearly changed – hours have turned into days and days have grown into hours. I am becoming increasingly anxious to begin some sort of treatment to relieve my symptoms but, I still need to get through one more week of tests before my doctor prescribes a therapy program for me.
The official diagnosis for multiple sclerosis is mostly made through a process of elimination. Certain tests must be conducted in order to cross off similar-acting diseases and ailments. Specifically, Lyme disease, brain tumors, pinched nerves and slipped disks, diabetic neuritis, thyroid disease, vitamin B deficiency are some of the common disorders producing similar symptoms. If there are no signs of any of these sicknesses, then a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis can generally be made…providing the patient has had at least two ms episodes (Strangely, the medical community insists on at least two attacks lasting a minimum of 24 hours before an ‘official’ multiple sclerosis diagnosis can be made).
18 November 2009
08 September 2009
The Diagnosis...
It is very strange for us to think only one month has past since the MRI experience…it just seems like such along time ago, and yet so much has happened to us during this short time frame.
I remember my MRI experience left me tired and feeling strangely vulnerable. I spent the remainder of that day stridently reaching for normality, while quietly worrying about our future. I still did not know what was wrong with me even though I hoped I was merely suffering from a virus. But this hope too, gave way to my growing insecurities and I began to contemplate how we would earn enough money to survive if I physically couldn’t continue with our business. Would Silvia have enough strength to take care of me if I couldn’t manage on my own? I was sliding deeper into despair and concentrating more on what I was going through. The day crawled toward night.
When the night finally arrived, it was filled with anxiety. I was restless. I did not have any painful spasms that night, but the vertigo sensation was stronger…leaving me with the sensation of sleeping on a rocking boat. It was a long sleepless night.
I remember my MRI experience left me tired and feeling strangely vulnerable. I spent the remainder of that day stridently reaching for normality, while quietly worrying about our future. I still did not know what was wrong with me even though I hoped I was merely suffering from a virus. But this hope too, gave way to my growing insecurities and I began to contemplate how we would earn enough money to survive if I physically couldn’t continue with our business. Would Silvia have enough strength to take care of me if I couldn’t manage on my own? I was sliding deeper into despair and concentrating more on what I was going through. The day crawled toward night.
When the night finally arrived, it was filled with anxiety. I was restless. I did not have any painful spasms that night, but the vertigo sensation was stronger…leaving me with the sensation of sleeping on a rocking boat. It was a long sleepless night.
31 August 2009
My MRI...
I only waited about 10 minutes before being called, which in most cases is an acceptable waiting period for any medical profession office. But this was not most cases.
I gazed back at Silvia as I rose and approached the friendly-looking medical technician and wondered if Silvia shared the same concern that crept inside of me; had enough time elapsed for the powerful little xanax pill to cast its calming effects on my tattered nerves? My answer would arrive quickly.
I felt strange as I walked through the door and into the MRI room. It was entering a world of technology that appealed to my scientific curiosity…but, it was also an encounter with a machine that would look deep inside of me and seemingly strip away my soul. It seemed too personal now, and I was afraid…it was unnerving!
I gazed back at Silvia as I rose and approached the friendly-looking medical technician and wondered if Silvia shared the same concern that crept inside of me; had enough time elapsed for the powerful little xanax pill to cast its calming effects on my tattered nerves? My answer would arrive quickly.
I felt strange as I walked through the door and into the MRI room. It was entering a world of technology that appealed to my scientific curiosity…but, it was also an encounter with a machine that would look deep inside of me and seemingly strip away my soul. It seemed too personal now, and I was afraid…it was unnerving!
25 August 2009
Getting To The Diagnosis...
How would I describe unseen symptoms to the neurologist…and in a foreign language? Suddenly I felt almost foolish and wondered if I was taking this too far. I wanted to leave all of these troubles behind me and accept the fact I had been overcome with anxiety and suffered from a simple ear infection. I wanted to feel better, but deep inside of me I knew…I knew something was terribly wrong.
Fortunately, my neurologist kept probing and searching for a sign of trouble. I almost giggled as she conducted numerous reflex tests – I never knew I had so many reflex points on my body. I performed all of the coordination tests without any sign of trouble. My hearing was fine…my senses felt hot and cold equally on both sides of my body…there were no signs of trouble as she gazed deep inside my eyes with special glasses. The only issue she could come up with was my eyesight - which was below average and I should go get them checked.
Fortunately, my neurologist kept probing and searching for a sign of trouble. I almost giggled as she conducted numerous reflex tests – I never knew I had so many reflex points on my body. I performed all of the coordination tests without any sign of trouble. My hearing was fine…my senses felt hot and cold equally on both sides of my body…there were no signs of trouble as she gazed deep inside my eyes with special glasses. The only issue she could come up with was my eyesight - which was below average and I should go get them checked.
23 August 2009
The Wait...
Silvia accompanied me on my second doctor’s visit. Her concerned look as I emerged from the doctor’s office turned fearful as I told her I needed to make an appointment with a neurologist. I knew she was extra sensitive to this type of news, because her mother has been battling multiple sclerosis for some time, and Silvia could sense what I wouldn’t allow my mind to consider.
On Thursday afternoon, July 30th, I made an appointment to see a neurologist for the following Monday morning. I simply needed to wait for the weekend to end, and then I would finally move toward getting some answers. But waiting was not so simple, as my symptoms continued to worsen, and sleeping through the night became a greater challenge. My body was filled with anxiety as I knew something was wrong…something serious. I still could not bring myself to consider ms as a diagnosis, but did begin to seriously consider other maladies such as a brain tumor or cancer.
I was a mess.
On Thursday afternoon, July 30th, I made an appointment to see a neurologist for the following Monday morning. I simply needed to wait for the weekend to end, and then I would finally move toward getting some answers. But waiting was not so simple, as my symptoms continued to worsen, and sleeping through the night became a greater challenge. My body was filled with anxiety as I knew something was wrong…something serious. I still could not bring myself to consider ms as a diagnosis, but did begin to seriously consider other maladies such as a brain tumor or cancer.
I was a mess.
17 August 2009
The Beginning...
It’s been six weeks since I first experienced my symptoms…a time frame which we often simply take for granted. But, not this time. Time has slipped into another dimension, moving swiftly and uncontrollably, but paradoxically, also terribly slow throughout each day allowing our minds plenty of time to contemplate our new life which instantly changed forever.
This is a journal of our life with multiple sclerosis…a new life we are just beginning to face.
The 13th of July was a warm day and I was happy to get back into the swing of developing our business after returning from a much-needed two week vacation. I decided to go for a nice long jog – something I often do when I need to organize my thoughts. On this day I thought about some new posting ideas for our blog, all of the projects I needed to complete to finish our new company website, working on updating our cooking with pumpkins book, developing our chocolate business, then it happened as I started my descent toward home. My right knee and hip simply stopped working…or I should say, stopped paying attention to my brain’s instructions and did what they wanted to. It was quite strange really. My legs had complete feeling, but they were rebellious and ignored my brain’s commands. It was an odd ten seconds.
This is a journal of our life with multiple sclerosis…a new life we are just beginning to face.
The 13th of July was a warm day and I was happy to get back into the swing of developing our business after returning from a much-needed two week vacation. I decided to go for a nice long jog – something I often do when I need to organize my thoughts. On this day I thought about some new posting ideas for our blog, all of the projects I needed to complete to finish our new company website, working on updating our cooking with pumpkins book, developing our chocolate business, then it happened as I started my descent toward home. My right knee and hip simply stopped working…or I should say, stopped paying attention to my brain’s instructions and did what they wanted to. It was quite strange really. My legs had complete feeling, but they were rebellious and ignored my brain’s commands. It was an odd ten seconds.
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